Well, making dolls has proven to be very therapeutic for me. It's kept my mind off things and allowed me to move on. Now, I am not crying every five minutes.
Every time I embark on a totally different project, it sparks my creativity and I love the feeling of exploring new waters, creating with my hands is an experience I appreciate a lot, makes me feel alive.
And when I make dolls, there's something about the process that unleashes my creativity even more. Now I want to make more, create... I love the refreshing feeling.
I posted many more pictures of the process on my Instagram Feed and my personal facebook page... Drop by if you are curious and leave a comment if you liked what you see :)
Wednesday, May 22
Saturday, May 11
Today is a very sad day for me. My best four legged friend, Lennon, has passed away this morning.
My eyes fill with tears as I type this, but I owe him so much.
I used to be terrified of dogs since I was a kid and a huge dog chased me down the street and bit my leg. It was so bad that I could not even go to a park because if I heard a dog walking 50 feet away from me, I would immediately get back into the car. One day me and my them boyfriend Mr. Danita saw a huge old english sheepdog walk behind us and he was very friendly, and I thought it would be nice to have one like that... If I ever was brave enough to have a dog.
Time went by and we got married and I decided it was time to overcome my fear of dogs. So we got a puppy... It wasn't easy. The first days I tought he could get out of his tiny cage, climb up to my bed and do me in my sleep, but eventually I realized he was not going to kill me and I fell head over heels with his sweetness. He always greeted me when I got home, looked for me for snuggling when I was watching TV and eventually grew to be an 80 pound lapdog. I could not sit to watch TV without him jumping on my lap. So, that's the first thing I owe you Lennon, getting rid of my fear of dogs.
One of our best memories is when I took him to the mountains to jump around in the snow. That day it was full of knee deep powdery snow and he jumped around like a black and white bunny all afternoon. He was enjoying the moment so much, not a care in the world except enjoying going up and down the mountain until he was so exhausted from all the activity he fell asleep all the way back home. The next morning he woke up at 6:00 AM and barked excitedly, jumped in our bed and requested to be taken to the mountains again, it was so sweet. I owe you teaching me to live the moment, and enjoy it to the max. You taught me to enjoy the present and nothing more.
Then in time I took a watercolor class and I fell in love with painting, and for my first real assignment I painted Lennon. It was incredible to see that with a bunch of pigments, a brush and water I could create something with meaning. I showed it to my friends and everyone loved it, they liked it so much that they ordered prints and that's when I knew I had found my artist's call. Thank you for that Lennon, because you gave me a new career and taught me that I must follow my heart and do what I love.
And today, you taught me the toughest lessons of everything you taught me. As you were fading away, you taught me about letting go. I saw your big eyes as the first time we met, and you told me it was OK, that it was time to go and that everything was going to be all right. Everything that has a beginning has an end, and we must accept it with love, remember the good times we had and finally say good bye when the time comes.
I feel a big hole in my heart, but it's OK. You are now in a happy place. Thank you for all you taught me, thank you for all your love. You will always live on.
Wednesday, May 8
Mr. Danita is a big fan of old school electronic music, but I don't share that taste myself. He's all exited about a new record from a band called Daft Punk, and he showed me a quote from an interview they had about their new record:
"We really felt that the computers are not really music instruments, and we were not able to express ourselves using a laptop. We tried, but were not successful."
Which are pretty big words for artists that dress up as a bunch of robots and play electronic music, but he explained that the record was made with real instruments on a real studio and not using a computer to create their music.
At that moment those words resonated deeply in my mind, because I feel the same. I feel an immense respect for digital painters and artists and admire their work, some of my favorite illustrators are digital, but for for me a Laptop has not been an instrument of creativity. I have a good deal of digital tools in my studio... a touch enabled digitizer display, a huge monitor and a powerful computer, an army of styluses for my iPad... But I have not been able to be lured into the digital world.
For me, creating an image is a complete sensory experience, I must feel what I am doing in order to make it mine. The feeling of every crease on the paper when I am sketching, how the texture of the pencil changes when the lead is eroding as you draw, the texture of the wood when I apply paint to it, how the brush gives in when you put pressure on it and how the paint responds to even the tiniest amount of water it encounters, the smell of fresh paper and paint, the colors of a hundred tubes of paint waiting to be used and even the sound of the scissors when I cut and paste paper for my collages.
All of that allows every piece of work to make it mine, and it made me remember how in love with the world I am, it makes me feel alive and in touch with my work, every fiber of myself is placed on everything I make, and when I am done I have something I can touch, admire and pass around for others to see, to give meaning to. That's what I love.
When I see the images being prepped for reproduction on my computer, all I see is pretty image that is nice to look at, but that's all. But then when I have something in my hands again, prints of my work, I remember that I was an active part of the creation of that object, because the image in it, it's soul, came from my heart, and my hands. And it makes me so happy to touch the lush paper and to smell the drying ink! It's a real thing that I can enjoy!
Sometimes I wonder if it's just out of rebelliousness that I don't care about moving onto more digital work, but if a bunch of famous robots thought it was time to back to the roots, why change what keeps me alive and I love doing?
What do you think? Am I being a dinosaur that refuses to evolve, or I am just a crazy girl who loves to get her hands dirty with art?
Friday, May 3
Thursday, April 25
That puts a LOT of pressure on me and some days I feel that I should comply, I stretch myself more than I should and I try to accomplish the impossible, on those days I just feel so exhausted and worn off because I stayed until very late just thinking about it, paralyzed and beating myself for not doing what I am supposed to do and not enjoying my free time (which I feel I have none) and getting even more behind in my work because I was over thinking everything instead of doing something. As a result of all that, and the lack of rest that I don't allow myself to have even when I sit down to do nothing because instead of letting myself go and rest, I am having a million bad thoughts about myself at the time, wondering why I am even trying, because my art is terrible and no one will every like anything I make ever again... That storm of thoughts and ideas will get me even more stressed out and will get even more behind on my work, because in my mind, I suck at life.
And then there are days when I feel like I am Wonder Woman. Days when I feel powerful and productive and happy and in control. Days when I remind myself that I can do stuff and that I don't have to be perfect and do it all, but that the little things matter and make a difference. Today is one of those days. Life is not perfect, my son is just getting better after days of being sick (which explains my lack of presence on the internet), and my daughter had a hard time falling asleep yesterday which guarantees us a rough day, and I haven't been able to work AT ALL, my house is messy and my hair doesn't want to do what I want it to do. Still, I feel good. I took a 1 hour walk in the morning while listening to an audiobook, the clouds were fluffy and I'm slowly but surely catching up with my e-mails and my work.
It think it has to do with attitude and with letting things be. I'm trying hard to love what is but also to change what I can change. I can clean up my house if I don't like the dirty dishes on the sink and the dust covered floors or I can choose to ignore it and change the way I see it and go do more important stuff.
Today I choose to change what I can change and accept what I cannot. And be in peace with that.
Monday, April 22
Hello! How was your weekend? Mine was super busy updating my shop with the prints of my newest paintings now on fun ACEO sizes and already mounted on wood so you don't have to make a thing. Just open the box, and it's ready to hang or display in a flat surface! How cool is that? I even made some sets with a discounted price for buying them together: Instant collection!
Take a peek and make your picks here!
Take a peek and make your picks here!
Friday, April 19
After finishing my Journals I went back to my table and decided to continue with the Frida in dresses series, it's going to be at least one per month this year to celebrate Frida's dresses exhibit in Mexico City this year. Here's what I created so far... And since I could not stop painting, one more, this time with no mixed media, just paint and my brushes. What do you think?