Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Today is the first day after my life changing surgery. I feel terrible and I feel great at the same time. I feel pain and I have a strange feeling of a knot tying my stomach, and I can only suck on ice cubes and take tiny sips of water before I feel my stomach full to the brim. But I also discovered a lot of good things about myself during the days of preparation for the surgery.
I tought that fasting was going to be an excruciating experience that I was going to go trough, with lots of difficulty and hardship. And what I discovered was amazing, I discovered that I CAN control my body, and that my mind can excerpt an incredible amount of control over my body. I realized that by focusing in the present moment it was not hard at all, and that as time passed by It mattered less and less that I was not eating anything for 4 days. It is an amazing feeling of power and control that I did not know it was in me and I am thankful I found out about it.
Yesterday the surgery time came and during the night I had my doubts about what I was about to do, I wondered if it was the right thing to do and all that, but I convinced myself that it was going to be for the greater good... And off to the operating table I went in the early hours of the morning. Surgery went by without complications and when I woke up I was starting a new chapter in my life...
Right then, panic settled in and I truly realized what I had done to myself, and my mind started playing tricks on me. My body felt an intense desire to throw up, trying to undo the stitches the doctors had done, in an attempt to reject the surgery and the change I had my mind into going trough. It took all the control I had learned to calm my body and my mind and stop sabotaging myself. I have my mind set on becoming a new person and nothing will get on my way, not even my own fear of changing and becoming a better me. Like Bridget Jones said, "I'll Do It!"
I look at my tummy now and the wounds and stitches from the surgery and I know I may have some scars in the end, but look at them with love, for they are symbols of my commitment to changing my life, to my family because I want to run with my children and grow old and see them grow.
Today I imagine myself wrapped in a cocoon like a caterpillar, ready to go a transformation that will completely change my life. Out of it will emerge a new me, beautiful, strong and ready to enjoy every day as it comes.
Thanks a lot for all the well wishing messages I received your support means a lot to me!