Today is the first day of the rest of my life

Today is the first day after my life changing surgery. I feel terrible and I feel great at the same time. I feel pain and I have a strange feeling of a knot tying my stomach, and I can only suck on ice cubes and take tiny sips of water before I feel my stomach full to the brim. But I also discovered a lot of good things about myself during the days of preparation for the surgery.

I tought that fasting was going to be an excruciating experience that I was going to go trough, with lots of difficulty and hardship. And what I discovered was amazing, I discovered that I CAN control my body, and that my mind can excerpt an incredible amount of control over my body. I realized that by focusing in the present moment it was not hard at all, and that as time passed by It mattered less and less that I was not eating anything for 4 days. It is an amazing feeling of power and control that I did not know it was in me and I am thankful I found out about it.

Yesterday the surgery time came and during the night I had my doubts about what I was about to do, I wondered if it was the right thing to do and all that, but I convinced myself that it was going to be for the greater good... And off to the operating table I went in the early hours of the morning. Surgery went by without complications and when I woke up I was starting a new chapter in my life...

Right then, panic settled in and I truly realized what I had done to myself, and my mind started playing tricks on me. My body felt an intense desire to throw up, trying to undo the stitches the doctors had done, in an attempt to reject the surgery and the change I had my mind into going trough. It took all the control I had learned to calm my body and my mind and stop sabotaging myself. I have my mind set on becoming a new person and nothing will get on my way, not even my own fear of changing and becoming a better me. Like Bridget Jones said, "I'll Do It!"

I look at my tummy now and the wounds and stitches from the surgery and I know I may have some scars in the end, but look at them with love, for they are symbols of my commitment to changing my life, to my family because I want to run with my children and grow old and see them grow.

Today I imagine myself wrapped in a cocoon like a caterpillar, ready to go a transformation that will completely change my life. Out of it will emerge a new me, beautiful, strong and ready to enjoy every day as it comes.

Thanks a lot for all the well wishing messages I received your support means a lot to me!

Comments

teri said…
Congratulations on having the drive to make this happen. I have a friend who has been very successful with it, as I'm sure you will be too.
kristen said…
best of luck to you for a speedy recovery. I am sending all my well wishes your way. you are beautiful and brave!
audrey said…
What a good and positive attitude you have, Danita. There is no doubt you will accomplish your goals!! I wish you the best.
♥ audrey
Annette said…
Dear Danita,
You are so brave and strong! I love your post. Keep your positive attitude going and know that we all love you and wish you well!
Annette
Yve said…
Didn't realise you were going to go this route, huge amounts of love and support to you for being so brave. I am sure it will work out and you will become happier in yourself and find peace with your body. :o)
rita maria said…
this was a great blog post danita. thank you for sharing about the inner struggle. it is a helpful reminder that we do have power over our thinking! i wish for you a quick and healthy recovery. you can do this!
MiKa Art said…
You're really brave and positive. I'm so happy that your surgery went well:)
Many hugs!!!
JessiVille said…
Congrats on a new brave you! As you travel the road to recovery you will feel better and more joyous as each day passes!
Hugs, Jessi xox
Anita Van Hal said…
Hey Danita! I hope and pray that you begin to recover quickly and fully...and I wish you every success on your weight loss...you can do this! I had surgery a few years ago for acid reflux disease...it had gotten so bad that I was aspirating when I ate or drank anything...choking because whenever I swallowed it would go into my lungs...I was losing my voice...an added bonus to the surgery was that they had to stretch my stomach up around my esophagus and that made it smaller...so now I can't eat as much I used to...I've been slowly losing my excess weight and keeping it off...mind you that the stomach can stretch back out if you continue to overeat, but as you said in your post, it's a great tool to get you going and boost your morale! There are some foods that are difficult to process, but it's a great feeling to be more in control of my eating, and no more dieting! Hugs!
Peachy Cheek said…
Hi Danita! I am so happy to hear it went well and that you are in good spirits! Get well and be well!

Take care!

-Kim
58 Cherries said…
Good luck and best wishes!! Hope you achieve what you want to do. Happy Independance Day. :)

Nicki
58Cherries
Ana Gonzalez said…
Danita deseo que te restablezcas pronto de la cirugia y que consigas tu sueƱo.
Hugs and a speedy recovery to you Danita!!!
Un abrazo muy grande para ti!!!
---Gina de San Diego <3
mel_macklin said…
Danita,
You are such a fantastic model of self-determination; thank-you for reminding us that a positive attitude is a choice and not always an easy one, but ultimately the only way to resilience and personal growth.
All the nicest wishes for your recovery.
Mel x
lori said…
love and many hugs your way :)
Cara Carmina said…
I just came to your blog after a long time and realized what you´ve been through... I can just say I understand you very much, this year has been a challenging one for me as well and even though I didn´t went to surgery like you I have this clot of blood stuck in my vein still after 3 months of the trombosis and I feel also like you, like suddenly everything changes... and you are different... I wish you all the best for your recovery, and I know that your body will follow your feelings and wishes ... the power of the human will is stronger than anything else... Congratulations for your positive attitude and lets keep going, creating, loving and breathing!!!! :D (singing, jumping and dancing as well!) my best and yellow hugs for you!

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