Thursday, April 19, 2012
The big decision...
Today was my little one's first day at school. It was a decision that took me a long time and sleepless nights to take. We haven't separated since he was born and it's hard for both of us, but it's all for the better.
I read the other day in Kelly Rae's blog about her struggle with taking a similar decision. She talks about how hard it was for her to combine everything, how to do it all and she thought she wasn't giving her best at any. It's me right there. In my struggle to do it all I'm doing nothing and my health is compromising as well. I don't rest enough, I can't find balance. Life here is getting very hectic and something needed to be do about it. By taking him just a few hours a day I can do some of my personal stuff and hopefully work a bit without interruptions and have more free time when both of my kids arrive home.
I feel a little bit of guilt for that decision, I feel that I should carve more time for them but also how can I be there fully for them if I'm always thinking about other stuff because I don't have time for it? Am I doing the right thing? I know lots of moms who take their babies to daycare and frankly I don't know how they mange to do it... how they can let go... I'm finding it so hard... but I've been through this process before and and I hope we will both feel Ok about it very soon. I know he's much stronger than I am.
It will be all for the better.