Thursday, April 25, 2013

On Being Wonder Woman

I'm not Wonder Woman. But many people think that I am.

That puts a LOT of pressure on me and some days I feel that I should comply, I stretch myself more than I should and I try to accomplish the impossible, on those days I just feel so exhausted and worn off  because I stayed until very late just thinking about it, paralyzed and beating myself for not doing what I am supposed to do and not enjoying my free time (which I feel I have none) and getting even more behind in my work because I was over thinking everything instead of doing something. As a result of all that, and the lack of rest that I don't allow myself to have even when I sit down to do nothing because instead of letting myself go and rest, I am having a million bad thoughts about myself at the time, wondering why I am even trying, because my art is terrible and no one will every like anything I make ever again... That storm of thoughts and ideas will get me even more stressed out and will get even more behind on my work, because in my mind, I suck at life.

And then there are days when I feel like I am Wonder Woman. Days when I feel powerful and productive and happy and in control.  Days when I remind myself that I can do stuff and that I don't have to be perfect and do it all, but that the little things matter and make a difference.  Today is one of those days.  Life is not perfect, my son is just getting better after days of being sick (which explains my lack of presence on the internet), and my daughter had a hard time falling asleep yesterday which guarantees us a rough day, and I haven't been able to work AT ALL, my house is messy and my hair doesn't want to do what I want it to do. Still, I feel good. I took a 1 hour walk in the morning while listening to an audiobook, the clouds were fluffy and I'm slowly but surely catching up with my e-mails and my work. 

It think it has to do with attitude and with letting things be. I'm trying hard to love what is but also to change what I can change.  I can clean up my house if I don't like the dirty dishes on the sink and the dust covered floors or I can choose to ignore it and change the way I see it and go do more important stuff. 

Today I choose to change what I can change and accept what I cannot. And be in peace with that.

8 comments:

Maria Sanchez said...

Danita your art is wonderful! and yo are a wonderful artist, mom and beautiful human being. What you bring to the world and your children is wonderful. Let go of things that don't serve you that includes the thoughts that tell try to tell you what your worth is. It's just the ego trying to self sabotage because it knows that you are stronger... just tell it to have a seat in the back of the room, while you move on to more important things.

jinxxxygirl said...

Sounds like you struggle with alot what i struggle with and i'll bet you'll find alot more people saying the same thing.....All we can do is take it one day at a time...and try to link up as many good days as we can......Hugs!! deb

Karyl said...

You are so talented. I love your art. I too get overwhelmed. Rest is so imoportant. You have shown us your humanness. It is so human to go up and down like that. Take a deep breath. I have a friend who is always reminding me to breathe. You just feel better after a deep breath. Take 2! :)

Little Brown Rabbit said...

I'm totally with you Danita (remember doing my Mummy Monday post?) I think its so important to tell other people, including Mums that although we appear to be getting a lot done, make no mistake it is hard work. It requires a huge amount of effort, determination & bravery not to give up on the bad days. There's no secret formula to what I can achieve, i have to juggling everything & a lot of the time loose out on sleep. So when I am having a bad day I just have to say enough is enough & take the day off from work & house work & just let myself be present for my daughter & then have an early night. I might end up doing this for a week until I fell re-energised. I love what you said at the end about change what you can and accept what you can't, I couldn't agree more :)

Zemphira ~ Scatter Art. said...

We are what we are - days like that come and go (it's better when they go)... everything is connected, if you don't have days like that you don't notice the days that have rainbows. Keep painting rainbows and loving your kids. Oh and usually when I feel like I "suck at life" I feel the total opposite the next week - back to "wonder woman".

wonderStrumpet said...

You are awesome.

I spend a lot of time dithering around in my own head, overthinking things and then not getting anything accomplished and then, in turn, beating myself up about it, so know you're not alone. And it's a relief to me to know I'm not either!

Cathy Mckean said...

Danita,
It is strange that you say that because I am always impressed by how much you do! I love to visit your site to get inspired. Your art is so lovely. I am planning to take your workshop soon.

Diane Duda said...

Two things:

1) You are not alone in these feelings.
2) Your art is ALWAY WONDERFUL!

xo
di