On Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt and New Beginnings.



Relieved. That's how I felt today.

It's been almost a month since my last post and I wasn't really saying anything. Just quick updates on my shop and stuff like that. There's actually a very good reason for that. Let's start from the beginning.

I moved. And it's been chaotic.  We spent some days in the old house and some in the new one. Brought the stuff little by little and we haven't finished. The old house isn't totally empty yet and the new one is still in the unpacking process. We didn't have any internet and the signal in my phone was almost always unusable. We moved our daughter to a new school and made a lot of adjustments in our lives.

But the reason that kept me most from writing was fear.  Yes, moving has been stressful, but the fear wasn't coming from the move.

It was coming from unknowing the unknown.

I've been having a lot of health issues lately, I feel like my body is actually conspiring against me and causing a good deal of issues. But the one that worried me the most was that both my ring fingers were over extending and I developed a swan neck deformity (I've had it for years but it was never that pronounced). And they hurt. And then the index, and after that, the thumbs. And the doctor was very suspicious about it because it's in both hands... so he sent me to the lab so they could test me for lupus, arthritis, auto immune diseases, cancer and who knows what else.

 I was so afraid!!! And worried!!! And I tried to ignore it and pretended nothing was happening, but every time they hurt I thought about my children, about my art, about my future and it was scary. I spent a month like that until today when I got the tests back and the doctor told me I have none of those things.

Just a really flexible collagen that it's making my fingers bend.  I can live with that. I can rest when I'm tired. I'm using some finger splints to prevent them for over extending and I can have surgery to correct them in case they keep bothering me. It's like seeing the light again.  It was like having a really dark cloud over me at all moments. Trying to stay positive was really, really hard and I mainly hid in the house packing and unpacking in pain.

At night I was so tired all I could think about was sleeping with no mood to paint or do anything else.

Other night I cried myself asleep praying and hoping everything would be OK.

And it is.

It's time for new beginnings, in my life, in my art, in my new home.

Unfortunately, I am left with a huge amount of doctor expenses that need to be covered, all the expenses of a new house and the toll of a month of total inactivity at the studio. If things came one by one, I could have handled it, but bills are piling up and we're stretching our budget to get by.

So, I decided to unclutter the studio and to start with new things in this new beginning. I am keeping what's essential and moving everything else out to make room for this new chance.

This also means that all the originals I had in my previous studio have to go, and I created a special section on my online store with reduced prices so they go to their new, loving homes. Doing so is therapy for me, I am opening space for a new chapter in my life, and it will help me cover up for the bills that hopefully, will be behind me very soon.

Check out the past works now on my Etsy Store and help me create new space for more beautiful inspired art in this new beginning on Danita's life.

I know this new chapter in my life has lots of surprises in store, and all this has taught me to be strong, to have faith and to hope for the best.

Here's to everything being OK once again.

Comments

Blessings to you, Danita.
Irina Nysveen said…
Happy for you that everything is good. Such a relief!!!
Cynthia Myers said…
I'm so glad you are OK!
Wishing you a happy and fruitful new beginning!
penn said…
Things do have a habit of working out in the end - stay strong through the journey, know you have friends out here rooting for you, & remember the cliche that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Gloria King said…
Danita,
I am really sorry you are going through all this. It really sucks. I am glad your ok and that its nothing really bad. Take good care of yourself ok. I am happy you have anew house that sounds like a ggod thing. once you settle in and make it yours I am sure you will go back to creating beautiful paintings like before . Ill keep you in my prayers.
Joni Startzman said…
I am glad that you are ok. Happy new beginnings!
mbell said…
I can definitely relate to the uncertainty. I hope you take it slow and I am glad all is ok. Probably is also a time to rest. We live a very fast pace life and exhaustion is not stranger to many of us. One day at a time, you'll see how "this too shall pass" and, hopefully, you'll be in a much calm place to start your new adventure.
anne-julie said…
I just read that today Danita, and I'm so sorry to hear you've been into so much fear, and bad moments. At least the health part is somehow fixed, but I hope you will feel better and better as days pass. I'm thinking of you and I'm sending lots of positive thoughts. Moving is not easy, for so many reasons. We have to start a new life, it's good and scary at the same time. I'm one of those girls who hate to change its little world, it's always a shock to have to move and start everything from scratch. Hugs to you

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