4th of July is the date!

"Miss Independence". Mixed Media. 6"x12" on Stretched Canvas
Available here.

I made a new painting. It's titled "Miss Independence". She's celebrating her freedom. 4th of July is very near. I'm counting the days. Really. I have the calendar marked. Only that this year I won't be watching the fireworks or hosting a BBQ. This year I'm going to do something more radical: I'm going to change my life forever.

I've been struggling with my weight since I was born. First I almost died when I was a few days old because I was refusing all types of food. Then somebody found out that I could eat soy milk and my weight started to pile up. I went from being compared with a Somalian baby in the newspaper by my cousin to be an overweight baby in just a few weeks. Then an chubby child. Then a big teenager. And then a fat adult. The problem got worse when I had my first child and I was in bed rest. My weight just went up and up. I managed to drop some pounds with the intragastric balloon and exercise. I still was overweight but I was happy and enjoying my body again... I enjoyed it so much that I got pregnant :P and I was put on bed rest once again... and now I am in the same place as before: extremely depressed, fat and tired all the time. Having 2 kids is not the same as having one and I have to admit, I let myself go.

So Independence day it is. I'm having weight loss surgery. It's called Gastric Plication and it's not as radical as a Bypass or a Sleeve, there's not cutting, just folding (There's also not covered by any insurance). The main idea is to get a smaller stomach so I don't eat so much. It's a decision I made a few months ago and I'm still struggling with it. Some days I feel like a failure for not being able to control myself and lose the weight by my own means. Someone even suggested that It was "Just lack of willpower" what keeps me like this. But willpower only takes you so far. I needed something extra, a tool of some kind that helped me. Yes, I need help. I need help like someone who needs a loan to start its own business. It doesn't make that person a bad business person. What she does with the money is what counts. If she goes and makes a successful business and pays the loan, does she have less credit than someone who saved money just because she got help to get started? Some may think she does, but what matters here is not how she started the business, it's what she made out of it. The same here. Maybe the surgery will help me to eat less, but It won't do all the work for me. It won't control what I eat (I can eat any type of food, just less quantity with my surgery, unlike the bypass). The surgery won't make me exercise. The surgery won't control my cravings. The surgery it's a tool. You can do whatever you want with it. It won't make me skinny just by having it. I will make myself thin. It's something I owe to myself. It's been almost 33 years already. Time to change.